I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i wish my penis had a tongue
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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