I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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