im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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