I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
thus making me awesome and them whores
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
did i just pee glitter
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize