12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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