ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
