just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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