I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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