Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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