you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
