jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
