What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
