addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
