My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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