You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
