currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
