Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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