im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
All I want is dick and wine.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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