i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
