I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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