Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
