so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
