I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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