i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
