This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
