im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
