Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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