Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
