you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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