Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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