Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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