just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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