My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
