If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
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