My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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