you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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