if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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