Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
