I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
