Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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