I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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