eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
