I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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