OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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