woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
