Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
