Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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