I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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