First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
