Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
