Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
