was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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