I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
