It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
