I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
