Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
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found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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