Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
