Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
