He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
