You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Drake has all the answers
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
