dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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