You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
