I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
