Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
