i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
