His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
