just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
