I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
